AAP activists were found searching Shankar and Khasyap. They want to understand how Shankar would have written the plot of Nayak, if Anil Kapoor would have been a 21 day CM rather than 1 day.

As they were not able to get Khasyap, to write dialogues for AK due to Khasyap personal issues, AAP activist have found Dharna as the best possible solution. They have vast experience in this and this will buy some time to search Shankar ji and allow him to write Nayak-2 story.How Anil Kapoor would have managed to run his state after suspending all his work force. They also tried to understand if APP ministers are also required to do any fight sequence when they see any eve teaser touching any Delhi girl ( which is very common habit of many male Delhites) .

In between all this , SHO for whose suspension AAP activist are shouting in front of deaf central govt ( APP only declared central govt deaf , which now contradicts their Dharna as no body going to listen) was also found searching for Puneet Issar( GARV writer), so that he can request him to write another story on Police officers, showing how ministers exploit them and how police officers fall in catch 22 situation, where minister ask them to work outside the law and then blame them not working for law.

SHO has strong believe that showing this new movie to AAP activists while they are doing Dharna can actually convince them about the story of other side and save his job.

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AAP addressing the media.

In a surprising development, the tension between the sub-continent rivals heightened as an infantry unit of Pakistani Army attacked Indian positions in the Kargil sector.

While the Prime Minister and the Defence forces top brass mulled over strategies on possible responses, our Fakingnews reporter was able to extract a soundbyte from the Defence Minister A K Antony.

On being quizzed about the situation, Antony in his inimitable style said, “The intelligence inputs suggest that considering the increasing incidents of Jawans fighting the Officers, this attack could have been orchestrated by the Jawans attacking the Officers dressed in Pakistani Uniform“. Our staff reporter wondered whether the source of his  intelligence input was ISI or IB.

Meanwhile, another Fakingnews reporter attended a press conference called by the core committee of AAP and here is the summary of her report:

At the start of conference Arvind Kejriwal announced,”We will change the way press conferences are conducted in the manner we have changed the politics of the country. All our core committee members will issue a statement each and the journalists will be allowed to ask questions at the end of the conference. Journalists are ‘free‘ to ask one question each, however every subsequent question would cost them INR 2014 to be contributed to AAP election fund.”

Prashant Bhushan: We will conduct a nation-wide referendum to decide our response to the attack by Pakistan. While the earlier ideas of referendums in J&K and Maoist affected areas would have given us limited geographic reach, such a nation-wide referendum would help AAP to eliminate corruption from the entire country.

Yogendra Yadav: We strictly condemn the composition of our army as it’s not ‘AAM’ enough. It still continues with the colonial legacy of recruiting from special castes and classes like Garhwal, Gorkha, Sikh, Jat, Rajput, Maratha, etc. We will submit a memorandum to PMO and NAC to dismantle the existing regiments and raise a new ‘AAM AADMI REGIMENT’ to fight Pakistan with increased reservation for classes not finding adequate representation in the Army.

Kumar Vishwas: I suggest that our party takes the official stand of ‘Make poetry not War’ and I suggest that we take a band of poets to the Kargil sector to either scare the enemy through ‘Vir Ras Poetry’ or bore them to surrender.

Manish Shishodiya: I suggest that we form a team of volunteers that will go to the border areasand inspect whether our Army is fighting properly. They will send ‘Daily Assessment Reports’ to the AAP headquarters and we will be happy to share those with Army or media houses provided they file a proper request through RTI.

Rakhi Birla: I don’t understand this hue and cry. We should first send a fact finding team to ascertain that it was really an attack, lest it was a cricket shot landing on the wrong side of the border.

Gopal Rai: It was bound to happen as Anna Hazare did not fight for bringing the Pakistani Prime Minister and Army Chief under the ambit of Lokpal.

Somnath Bharati: I suggest that we call the Chiefs of Staff, Defence Minister and PM to call a ‘Manthan Darbar’ at the Delhi secretariat.

Arvind Kejriwal: This attack as been orchestrated by the corrupt BJP-Congress combine so that government can procure arms and the netas can take kick-backs.

Vinod Kumar Binny: I demand that Defence portfolio be created in the Delhi government and I be made Defence minister.

Digvijay Singh: We all should learn from AAP.

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New Delhi. Owing to the massive publicity Wagon R has received through Arvind Kejriwal and his Dharnas, Maruti has decided to cash in on this new found popularity and launch a new version of the Wagon R. Following are some of the features:1. Additional gear which takes precise U-Turns.

2. The car will always go to the ‘Left’, just like AAP’s economic policies.

3. Even though car goes to the left, driver always feels he is ‘right’.

4. Google navigation system replaced with “Aam Aadmi ki Aawaz” GPS system. When you are lost, not knowing where to go, activate this system and it will immediately conduct polls among people in vicinity via SMS and get their response on which direction you should take to reach your destination.

5. If there is too much traffic, car will stop and refuse to move till the road is clear (Dharna mode).

6. No airbags, in sync with Arvind Kejriwal’s no security policy.

7. No light signal will be red in color, thereby reducing Lal Batti culture.

8. Car will be available in all colors except black since black colored items are known to be malfunctioning.

9. Car will have rear view, front view, side view, and inner view cameras along with a LCD screen so that TV channels can start showing any interesting event LIVE anytime.

10. These cameras will also help in carrying out sting operations on traffic cops and catch them red handed taking bribe.

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Delhi: Taking a leaf out of the Aam Admi Party’s book, the Delhi branch of the Congress party today has threatened to go a dharna if the Chief Minister did not stop coughing.

“We will be on dharna in our homes from tomorrow onwards, to protest against Arvind Kejriwal’s constant coughing,” Arvinder Singh Lovely, a Congress MLA from Delhi said. “He just keeps on coughing and we are all really worried of catching ‘aam admi’germs from him.”However, the party’s members refused to go on dharna in Delhi’s biting cold in the open and have instead promised to do so from the comfort of their own homes.

“Shindeji is absolutely right, someone who coughs this much, has to be a yeda,” Lovely added.

On hearing these reports, Arvind Kejriwal coughed, then smiled and then coughed again. “Yadavji ne survey karaya hai, Delhi mein kuchh adbhut ho raha hai,” he said inexplicably, before 

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Modi after the polls.

New Delhi. In a startling development, BJP has decided to cash-in on latest opinion polls that predict NDA much ahead of UPA in forthcoming Lok Sabha elections. The part is planning to stake claim to form the next government in next few days, even before the elections are held. 

A confident BJP spokesperson, speaking confidentially to Faking News said that elections are now a mere formality and BJP does not want to waste time and delay IPL due to elections that everyone has predicted to be BJP’s victory.

When Faking News brought up the point that all opinion polls even though give BJP the lead, but also predict that NDA will not be near the majority mark, BJP spokesperson was quick to counter saying in the era of WASP technology, we can safely assume that our final tally will be excess of 400 seats.

The party is in fact so confident of staking the claim to form the government in coming days that first round of cabinet births has also been finalized.  To no one’s surprise, the government will be headed by Shree Narendra Modi. The rest of the cabinet is as follows:

Smriti Irani : Home Minster

Mrs. Irani has extensive experience of igniting and extinguishing domestic fires since Kyu Ki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu thi. The experience makes her ideal candidate for Home Minister.

Sir Ravindra Jadeja : Finance Minister

With India facing dual challenge of fiscal deficit and falling economic growth, only a person with supernatural abilities can bring us back on path of financial super stardom. Sir Ravindra Jadeja – enough said.

Cast of Tehelka : Defence Minister

Given that India’s biggest security threat is from China and not Pakistan, the party was forced to look beyond Sunny Deol and chose Major Krishnan Rao (Mukesh Khanna) and his team – Dharmendra, Narseeruddin Shah and Aaditya Pancholi from Tehelka who have proven experience in bringing down regimes with Chinese sounding dictator.

In addition to first list of cabinet ministers, Faking News has also gained access to list of other important posts in the BJP regime.

Alok Nath : Chairman of National Advisory Committee

Impressed by Sonia Gandhi’s mother like benevolence on the nation through  NAC, BJP has decided to go one step further and provide a doting father figure as the next NAC chairman. As matters of Indian culture are closed to BJP’s heart, who better than Shree Alok Nath to infuseSanskar in Sarkar. 

L.K. Advani : Next  President of India

Moved by Shree Advani’s contribution to BJP over so many decades, the party has decided to promote him from PM-in-the-waiting to President-in-the-waiting – a feat not dissimilar to previous presidential elections.

Navjot Siddhu : Speaker of the Lok Sabha

Mr. Siddhu’s experience of judging and sitting through comedy shows makes him ideal candidate for the post where real life discussions are sometimes more funny than any comic-sketch. The part also hopes that limited speaking time associated to the Speaker’s post will save the nation from his laughter.

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Hyderabad. Fed up with being benched with the Indian cricket team, Indian cricketer Ajinkya Rahane has announced his retirement from Test Cricket and is seeking an alternative career by joining the IT services company TCS.

“I have grown tired of being on the bench. I have been the ‘Next Big Thing’ in Indian cricket for a couple of years now, but my chance to don the Indian cap has not yet materialized,” said a visibly distraught Rahane.

When pointed out by this Faking News reporter that he could be on bench even if he joins TCS, Rahane said, “At least, there will be a few girls around in that bench. And on a related note, let me clarify that I’d continue playing IPL.”

Suresh Krishnan, a senior HR manager in TCS welcomed Rahane’s decision, “He will be a valuable addition to the bench team. And we can allow him to play IPL if he doesn’t submit fake sick leaves for the rest of the year.”

Sources say that with Virender Sehwag being dropped, there was a possibility of Rahane being handed a test debut. But BCCI, using Cricket Australia’s Player Management system, concluded that owing to spending insane amounts of time on the bench, Rahane had an 87% chance of developing a backache; hence Shikhar Dhawan was picked for a test debut.

Following this decision, Michael Clarke is reported to have offered Rahane a place in Australian team for the rest of the ongoing test series.

“Considering the shambolic condition of my team, Rahane will be a valuable addition and we are willing to present him with the Order of Australia membership if he does agree to join our team,” Clarke admitted to have extended the offer to Rahane, who resisted temptations of being able to actually play a test match, and also being only the second Indian to be presented with the Order of Australia.

After much thinking, the 24-year-old batsman announced retirement from test cricket.

Ajinkya Rahane, a veteran of 0 tests, has 0 runs to his name at an average of 0. He has also held on to 0 catches and has 0 test wickets.

“It was my dream to play with him. I can’t believe he made such a hasty decision. I will miss him bringing drinks on the field. There is no replacement for experience,” Sachin Tendulkar reacted to the news.

“I have always maintained that a team should have a perfect blend of youth and experience. Same goes for the team on bench. He was our most experienced bench-warmer. His retirement has left a huge hole. We are hoping Manoj Tiwary gets well soon and fills that void,” Indian captain MS Dhoni said.

Manoj Tiwary was unavailable for comments as he was waiting for his doctor’s appointment on a bench in a clinic.

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